Feeling Blue Today, warning, subject may be disagreeable to some

I am feeling blue today, but have been protecting my thought closet as much as I can. I am not sure what to think about what has transpired the last few days. I let my church know I am going to go somewhere else for awhile. The church I visited Sunday felt right to me, and I felt it was a God thing that the Scripture was the same I had used with my eagle pictures for WFW, and a couple of the songs made the eagle references. I don't know if I mentioned the sermon was on things we do so that others will like us, or to be popular. The disciples liked being popular, and wanted Jesus to go back to the crowd, and he said they were going to the next towns to give his message.

I looked up the book this church has just started to study Sunday evenings, and saw the names of the chapters, one of which states all are welcome. It reminded me that this denomination-synod has been in the news for their developing acceptance of a certain behavior between people I decided not to name, as I don't want this post to show up in a Google search. I will say, that I believe a God intends for marriage to be between a man and a woman. I know there are local churches that do not follow that new tolerance their national body does, so don't know if this one does.

I decided to try to find a copy of the book, and the stores in my town did not have it, so I called the church to see if they had a copy I could buy. The director of Christian education answered the phone, and asked me if I wanted to come to the class. I said I wanted to look at the book first to see if it answered a concern I had. She wanted to know what the concern was, so I told her. I think she was a bit unsure what to say, but I did agree with her that we are to love the sinner, but not the sin. She wanted to have me talk to the Pastor about it, because he would have a more theological answer. She asked for a phone number, and I told her he could call during my lunch break. We also talked about other differences between that church and mine, which do not involve sin like this, and do not bother me. I ended up telling her some of what was going on at my church. She seemed very nice, but I don't even know her, and feel like I should have visited the church for awhile before being so open.

I couldn't really talk in private anywhere at work when the pastor called, and thought he was calling so we could set up an appointment, but he told me it was me who said I could be called at this time, so he seemed a bit unhappy with me for saying I could be called at that time, but couldn't talk. I said I was planning on picking the book up after work, but he said he didn't know if he'd be available, as he had meetings.

The woman from yesterday said to call first, before coming for the book, even though someone should be there. I did call, and no one answered. I only live a few blocks from there, so tried anyway, but no one was there. I looked up some information on the internet, and found a very long statement, that I fell asleep trying to read.

God has placed a number of people who are different from me and my beliefs in my life, and I am friendly with my neighbor ladies who are, but I could not attend a church that said that lifestyle is not sinful, and I'm not clear from my reading if this church views it as sinful, as they say we are all sinful. If someone with any kind of sinful addiction or leaning had the gift of faith in Jesus, and depended on God through faith to abstain, I would consider them a fellow Christian. I do try to live the life of loving people, but not their sin, whatever it is. In 1 Corintians 5:9-10, Paul said, "I have written you in my letter not to associate with sexually immoral people-not at all meaning the people of this world who are immoral, or the greedy and swindlers or idolaters. In that case, you would have to leave this world."

So, I am hurting, and my soul is downcast, and I don't know if God is really leading me to this church or not. I am feeling stupid for being so open with that lady, and giving the Pastor the impression I may be an intolerant mean person, or one that wants extra attention. I wish I'd have laid low for awhile. I am trying not to let that into my thought closet. God is comforting me, though and letting me know it's OK to hurt, that He will lift me up, and give me that strength of the eagle, knowing He has good plans for me, so I can keep my hope in Him.

Thanks for any prayers in this regard.

Added 2/13:

I just scrolled down my blog, and saw what I wrote in my post on our book study.  It's worth repeating, and it's a quote from Self Talk, Soul Talk.

"The most hopeful people I know are those who place their trust in God.  Liberated from the need to always be in control, they are able to rest in Him rather than struggle to avoid difficulties in this life."  She also wrote, "It's not a once and forever choice.  It's a choice I make day by day.  God is bigger than your problem and bigger than your perception of your problem."  

We are having a snow day today, so my husband and I are home today.  Maybe I can stay awake to finish the statement I was reading.  I still don't know if I am going to go back for sure, but I am not beating up on myself as much today.